


Support Systems Go Both Ways

by isnt_that_wizard



Series: We'll Always Be More Than A Band (JATP) [13]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), But it's okay, Canonical Character Death, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Loves Luke Patterson, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Luke Patterson Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), M/M, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Alex (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Julie Molina, Protective Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Self-Esteem, Self-Esteem Issues, This gets sad, as they should - Freeform, everyone in the band had a crush on luke tell me i'm wrong, luke reassures everyone all the time, really sad, they're just one big happy family, trying to be happy at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnt_that_wizard/pseuds/isnt_that_wizard
Summary: There wasn't anything that Luke Patterson loves more than his friends- his family. When they're upset or sad, it feels like pain in his own heart. Luke has always done his best to make sure that they're okay, safe, and feeling as good as they can be. Sometimes, though, he could use a bit of a reminder to make sure he feels that way himself.Or,Five times Luke reassured one of his friends, and one time they reassured him.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina & Luke Patterson, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: We'll Always Be More Than A Band (JATP) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956307
Comments: 37
Kudos: 301





	Support Systems Go Both Ways

**Author's Note:**

> CW: homophobic parents, panic attacks, death, mentions of dead parents and grief, low self-esteem

**I.**

Luke watched as Alex paced back and forth in front of him. They were in the studio, just the two of them. Luke was sitting on the couch, silent as Alex tore a hole in the concrete floor with his ever speeding up movements. They’d been in here like this for five minutes now, the quiet lapping between them. Luke was worried for his best friend, but he just waited, knowing the drummer would get it out when he was ready. Luke just trailed him with his head, going back and forth across the room like he was watching a tennis match. 

Alex had called him about 15 minutes ago, asking Luke to meet him in the studio as soon as possible. Luke had dropped everything to come over her, much to the displeasure of his mother. They’d been getting along a lot better this week, and he’d been helping her out with dinner when Alex had called. To say she’d been upset to find out her son was leaving the house and their hard worked dinner to go to the studio was an understatement. Luke had just rolled his eyes at her, not bothering to mention that Alex had asked _only_ him to come. If she didn’t want to listen to him long enough to hear that this wasn’t even about the band, then he didn’t care what she wanted to think about him. He just grabbed his sleeveless sweatshirt, keys, and muttered a goodbye to his father as he left. He was sure it would turn into an argument when he made his way back home, but Luke wasn’t going to think about that right now. His problems didn’t matter. What did matter was Alex’s shaking hands, distraught face, and long strides as he anxiously made his way back and forth on the floor. 

Luke lost track of how long it was before Alex’s pace began slowing, becoming sluggish and stuttering with each step. As Alex made it to the garage doors again and spun around, Luke caught sight of his best friend’s face. While he’d had his back to Luke, his face had grown red and a little splotchy, and the tears in his eyes were visible from a mile away. Luke’s heart stopped at the sight, and he jumped up from his spot on the couch. He approached Alex carefully, hands and outstretched where Alex could see them. The drummer stopped his pacing as he saw Luke coming near him, turning his saddened and pained eyes onto Luke. The drummer was taller than Luke, but in this moment, Alex looked so much smaller. 

Luke was more saddened than he could say to see that look on Alex’s face. 

“Hey, hey, man, you’re okay. Just- tell me what’s up, okay?”

Alex just stared at him for a minute, his breathing growing heavier as he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water as he tried to come up with the words. After a little while, his tense shoulders slumped down, and Alex’s gaze hit the concrete floor below. Alex’s blond hair fell down in front of his face, but Luke could still hear the quiet broken whisper that Alex let out. 

“I told my parents.”

Luke’s heart dropped. He didn’t need to ask what Alex was talking about. It had been about a month since Alex had sat him, Reggie, and Bobby down after practice and told them that he was gay. Alex had cried when all three of them had just shrugged and said “Cool, good for you” before hugging him tightly. Reggie and Bobby had gone home that night, but Luke and Alex had both made plans to stay at the studio that night. Luke had kept an arm wrapped around Alex’s shoulders almost the whole night, knowing his best friend needed the physical contact. That night, Alex had confessed to Luke that he was more anxious than he’d ever been in his life thinking about telling his parents. He’d told Luke that he’d been debating telling them for a lot longer than he’d been debating telling the band. Alex hadn’t been too worried about telling Luke, Reggie, or Bobby. But his rich, strict, picture perfect parents were an entirely different story. 

Luke moved forward, pulling Alex down to his height to wrap him in a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry, man,” Luke whispered, feeling Alex’s hands come up to clutch at the back of Luke’s shirt. The drummer’s body was shaking with tears, and Luke could tell he was trying to keep them quiet. Not releasing Alex for a second, Luke backed them up toward the couch, carefully sitting back down as Alex clung to him. 

“Alex, it’s okay, dude. Just- let it out, okay?”

The form of permission seemed to be all Alex needed. The guttural sob that was released from the drummer was like a knife to the chest. His head was tucked against Luke’s shoulders, and he could feel the wetness pooling against his collarbone, dampening the neck of his shirt. He didn’t care; he just rubbed a hand up and down Alex’s back, ran one through his hair, and whispered calming shushes and words in his ear. It was either minutes or hours until Alex finally calmed down. Slowly but surely, though, his grip on Luke weakened, his sobs quieted, and he pulled away from Luke’s embrace. He rubbed violently at his red, puffy eyes, making Luke sigh. 

The guitarist reached up, pulling Alex’s hands away before he hurt himself and replacing them with his own, keeping his touch gentle as he wiped away the remaining water from Alex’s cheeks. Alex kept his eyes trained down as Luke did so, his own hands falling limp in his lap. Alex looked defeated in a way Luke had never seen him before. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Luke whispered quietly, smiling softly at his best friend. 

Alex stayed silent, glancing up at Luke. “They just. . . It’s not like they reacted any different than I expected them to, you know? I knew they weren’t gonna be happy. But I just- hearing it was so. . .”

His face scrunched up like he was going to cry again, and Luke reached out, holding Alex’s hand in his own. 

“Mom wouldn’t even look at me, and dad. . . he said that if I ever told Chase or Maggie then he’d send me to the closest- the closest _camp_ he could find.”

Alex’s voice was so broken and yet _resigned_ to their reaction. Luke fumed with anger, trying to dampen it down to keep Alex calm. He couldn’t believe Alex’s father had said that. He couldn’t believe he’d dangled Chase and Maggie- Alex’s siblings who the drummer loved more than anything in the world and spent every minute he wasn’t at school or with the band with- in front of Alex like that- like a _threat._ Maggie was only eight- she would barely understand what being gay meant for Alex anyway, let alone care. And Chase- the kid looked up to Alex like he held all the answers in the universe. Alex was his two year younger brother’s best friend in the world. The idea that Alex had to hide part of himself from Chase, from Maggie? Luke didn’t know if he’d ever been angrier. 

But Alex didn’t need Luke’s anger right now. 

“They’re wrong, Alex. You know that, right? Whatever they said to you, they’re _wrong.”_

Alex nodded a little bit at Luke’s worlds, but Luke could see the hesitation behind it and knew the drummer didn’t believe the words. Luke sighed. 

“Alex, will you just look at me? Please?”

The drummer complied after a little more coaxing of Luke squeezing his hand, looking up so that their eyes met. Luke locked gazes with him so that Alex wouldn’t look away. 

“I’m serious, Alex, okay? There will never, _never_ be something wrong with you for being gay. For that stupid fanny pack you love to wear even thought you don’t even need your inhaler anymore? Sure. But not for being gay. You don’t get to choose who you love, your parents don’t get to decide if you’re going to hell or need to go to fucking conversion camp, or whatever other shit I bet they told you. I love you, okay? Reg loves you. Bobby, too. And Maggie and Chase love you more than anything. And nothing your parents can say or do will ever take that away, okay? There is _nothing_ wrong with you.”

By the time Luke had finished his rant, Alex had started crying again, watching Luke with a look of gratefulness and a small smile. Luke was still gripping his hand tightly. Alex surged forward, wrapping his arms around Luke’s shoulders. Luke held him back, pouring every ounce of reassurance into the hug that he could. 

When Alex pulled away again, he smiled at Luke. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. Luke didn’t do much more than smile and nod, bumping his shoulder into Alex’s. Now that they’d gotten that out of the way, Luke knew Alex didn’t need more words; he just needed Luke to stay here with him and silently reassure him that he would be okay, no matter what happens. 

**II.**

It wasn’t just him that had noticed that Reggie had been avoiding him lately. Luke saw Alex shooting Reggie the same weird looks he was when he’d nod his head to invite Reggie to share the microphone and the bassist stayed on the other side of the room. Bobby nudged him in question when Luke threw an arm over Reggie’s shoulder and he’d moved away a moment later. Luke just looked at Alex and Bobby, a frown on his face and a shrug on his shoulders. 

He had no idea what was going on. Reggie was barely meeting his eyes, stuttering through his words when Luke directed questions at him, never standing too close to him, and Luke swore the only time Reggie looked at him was when he didn’t think Luke would notice. At first, maybe, he thought Reggie was just having something go on and he didn’t want to tell the band about it yet. But then Luke took notice of how Reggie never shied away from Alex tugging on his sleeve to get his attention or sitting close to him on the couch. Reggie and Bobby’s conversations were the same as they always were, the two of them bantering back and forth about music or messing around with smiles. It was just him. 

Luke had been wracking his brain for days trying to think if something had happened. Had he made a joke that Reggie had been hurt by? Had he snapped at him, or grabbed him too quickly, or done something that made him think of his parents? Had Reggie found out about Luke. . . He’d kept his notebook on even harder lockdown than normal in fear that maybe Reggie had found one of the songs Luke had poured his feelings into. It was bad enough that Alex had found Crooked Teeth and, with a smirk on his face, insisted that they add it to their set list. Luke had blushed for a week straight as they practiced it, and he didn’t know whether or not to be relieved that Reg hadn’t figured it out or cry because Reg _hadn’t figured it out._

It had been a week now that Reggie had been acting like the only thing he could do was get away from Luke as fast as he could. The guitarist just watched his- well, he wanted to say _best friend_ , but now he didn’t even know- move further and further away from him. He’d barely even touched Reggie this week, which was impressive considering Reggie was the most touchy of the four of them, and he’d barely spoken to him in almost two weeks now. Every time Alex or Bobby looked at him with worry, Luke just tried to paint on a smile, ignoring the stabbing feeling he felt in his gut every time Reggie brushed him off or the way he wanted to cry every time Reggie flashed that smile at one of the others and the only thing he wanted was for Reggie to look at _him_ like that. 

One day, as he was packing up his guitar after practice, he heard quick whispering on the other side of the room. He’d turned to find Alex and Reggie in a heated conversation, Alex looking frustrated and Reggie looking nervous. When Luke caught them both glancing his way, he’d quickly turned back around and closed his guitar case. He told himself he didn’t want to know what they were talking about. Once he’d finished shutting down the rest of his equipment, he figured he’d go on a walk or something. He was planning on staying here tonight, not wanting to go home and face his mother, but he didn’t want to wait around in the studio for the others to leave. It would be easier to just go out for a while, let Alex and Reggie finish whatever conversation they were having, and not have to be there to watch Reggie leave without saying goodbye to him _again._

So Luke did exactly that. He left his things sitting by the couch and didn’t spare a glance to his friends as he left the garage. Luke made it all the way to Hollywood Boulevard before he realized where he was. It wasn’t too long a walk from the studio, but it certainly wasn’t a short one either. Luke reasoned that he should head back to the garage for the night; there was no way the others hadn’t left by now. When he did return, the sun had almost completely set for the day and the doors to the studio were closed. Luke let out a deep sigh, shaking his head as he pushed open the doors. He’d walked in with his head down, staring at his feet, and it took him longer than he cared to admit to realize that the lights were still on. 

Strange. 

Alex _always_ shut the lights off when he left. With a frown, Luke looked up. What he was met with was the image of Reggie sitting on the couch, fiddling with the sleeves of the flannel around his waist and his leg bouncing the way Alex’s did when he got stressed sometimes. At almost the same moment Luke had looked at him, Reggie’s head shot up to look right back. Reggie’s face seemed to flush as they made eye contact, and he stood quickly. 

“He-hey, Luke,” Reggie stuttered out. Luke wasn’t sure what to think. It was the first time Reggie had actually spoken to him all day. 

“Hey, Reg,” he whispered back, unsure of himself. 

The bassist smiled, just for a second, and looked back down, gaze falling to his hands as they played with the flannel. Luke knew this stance. Reggie was nervous. 

Luke cleared his throat a little, mostly out of not knowing what else to do. The two of them had never had such awkwardness hang between them before. 

“What’s, uh. . . What’s up?” Luke asked, rocking back and forth on his heels a little bit. Reggie glanced up at him through his lashes and bit his lip. In any other circumstances Luke wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have died on the spot. 

“I wanted to talk to you?” Reggie asked nervously. Luke could feel his own nerves building. He wasn’t ready for Reggie to cut him off, or tell him he’d found the songs, or tell him that he couldn’t be in a band with him any more, or-

“Yeah, man, of course,” Luke instead reassured. If Reggie was nervous, it meant it was important. Luke knew how much Reggie often struggled to find the right words, and even if he didn’t want to hear them, there was no way he was going to make it worse for him. 

Reggie flashed him a small smile, gesturing to the couch. Luke moved, feeling stiff and awkward, but smiling back as he sat down. Reggie took a half step back, away from Luke as he took his own seat. The distance between them made Luke want to cry. 

“I. . .” Reggie started once they were both settled. “Shit, I don’t know how to say this.”

Luke felt like he was dying. 

“Reg, come on, man. It’s just me. You can tell me anything, okay? You know that. It’ll be fine,” Luke was taking deep breaths as he made out the words. 

Reggie looked up from his hands now, watching Luke’s face with a look the guitarist had no idea how to read. He’d never had Reggie look at him quite like that before. It wasn’t. . . negative. That was about all he could decipher. Reggie didn’t look upset with him. Luke almost wanted to shy away from his gaze, but he knew if he did it would ruin whatever resolve Reggie had right now. Luke gave him another reassuring smile, encouraging whatever words were about to stab him in the heart to finally come out of the bassist. 

“Luke, I think I’m in love with you.”

Time felt frozen. Luke’s mind had gone completely blank, his mouth open as he forgot how to breath, and his eyes trained on Reggie without blinking. 

“You. . . huh?” he managed to choke out after what felt like hours. 

Reggie’s face filled with nervousness again. “That’s why I’ve been so distant lately. I realized last week. You were helping me fix my stupid amp, and when we were done you just smiled at me and I felt like I couldn’t _breathe._ I didn’t- I don’t know what to do about it, you know? You’re one of my best friends, and I didn’t want this- _me-_ to change things. I’ve liked you for a while now, but _love_ is different. So I tried to avoid you in hopes that it would go away, or that you wouldn’t even notice, but Alex caught me after practice and told me he’d guessed what was up. He said that I had to talk to you because if I didn’t it would just make things worse and that you deserved to know, so I waited around after you left today for you to come back, but now you’re just staring at me and I think I made a really bad choice and I-”

“Reggie!” Luke interrupted, his senses finally coming back to him. “It’s okay.”

Reggie just looked at him. “It’s. . . it’s okay?”

Luke smiled, genuinely this time. He still felt nervous, but rather than sitting in the pit of his stomach and weighing him down, it felt like _butterflies._

“Yeah, Reg. It’s okay.”

The bassist looked confused. “I- _how?”_

Luke chuckled a little bit. “You’re really lucky you can play bass, you know that?”

“I know- you say that all the time. But Luke, I don’t-”

“Reggie, can I kiss you?”

The bassist froze, the surprise on his face clear as day. After a moment, eyes still wide and shocked, Reggie nodded. Luke bit his lip nervously, smiling as he leaned in. The first press of their lips together was soft and careful. Luke didn’t think he’d ever been so gentle in his life. He kept it short, too afraid that in his already surprised state, he’d completely short circuit Reggie’s brain. Luke had never had a softer, happier smile on his face than when he pulled away from Reggie. He could feel his face on fire with a blush, but the way Reggie was looking at him right now made it completely irrelevant. 

Before Luke could say anything, Reggie let out a sharp breath, then surged forward to kiss Luke soundly. There wasn’t much of anything soft about this kiss. This was Reggie leaning into him, practically moving into his lap. This was Luke reaching up to grip Reggie’s hips as Reggie sighed into his mouth. This was frantic and messy kiss after kiss until neither of them could breathe and all they could taste was each other. This was hands in hair, shoving shirts out of the way, bruising lips against each other. Luke would stay here kissing Reggie forever if he had the option, but unfortunately the bassist pulled away. 

With panting breath, it was apparently possible that after _that,_ Reggie still looked nervously at Luke. 

“So. . . you’re. . ?”

“God, Reg, I love you, too, okay? You have nothing to worry about because I love you, too.”

He finally managed to get a smile from Reggie, and Luke could practically cry from how much he’d missed that smile this past week. Instead, he just reached up to cup Reggie’s face in his hands, pulling him back in for another kiss.

**III.**

Alex hadn’t stopped crying since the moment he’d first gotten sick from the hot dogs. As the three of them had lain in that stupid alley puking and in pain, in the ambulance, as they floated away, and now here, Alex had cried. In this weird, dark room. All they could see was each other. Everything else was just. . . black. They couldn’t see a floor below them, walls, or a ceiling above. Luke had no idea what they were standing on because there was _nothing here._ The pure empty feeling around them, the void his eyes could see made Luke understand why Alex was crying. He wanted to cry himself. 

Alex was curled in on himself sitting on. . . the floor? He had his knees against his chest and his head tucked down as he sat there and cried. Reggie was standing off to Luke’s left, looking more scared than Luke had ever seen him. Luke didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where they were. He barely knew what had happened. One minute they’d been enjoying their street dogs and thoroughly freaking out about the fact that they were about to play the _Orpheum_ , and the next they’d all collapsed on the cold, wet concrete of the alley. 

They were dead. 

That was the only thing Luke was sure of right now. He’d felt it. He’d felt his soul literally leave his body. He’d watched Alex’s eyes fall shut and his body go limp. He’d watched the light he spent more time than he’d admit studying in Reggie’s eyes, falling in love with every moment, fade into nothing. They were dead. 

And Luke didn’t know what to fucking do. 

Reggie was closing in on himself, wrapping his arms tightly around his chest and gripping the sleeve of his flannel in one hand. Luke wanted to reach out to him, hold his hand- do _something_ \- but every part of his muscle felt like lead. He wasn’t sure he could move if he tried. Both Alex and Reggie were barely even two feet away from him, but the void they were stuck in made it seem like miles. The only thing that got him moving was the moment that Reggie turned to look at him, meeting his eyes with so much pain and fear. Luke couldn’t stand it. He crossed the short distance, and Reggie immediately moved into him, leaning against Luke like he was his only life line. 

Well, life line might not be the right term anymore. 

Luke wrapped one of his arms around Reggie’s back, turning his face into the bassist’s hair. There was no sound in the void save for Alex’s gut-wrenching sobs, which seemed to echo off invisible walls. Luke was desperate to reach out to him, too, but Reggie was like an anchor against him. He wasn’t sure he could leave his boyfriend right now if he tried. 

Everything felt heavy, hopeless, and _empty._

Luke had no idea if they’d been in here for seconds, minutes, hours. Nothing felt real. 

Nothing except Reggie shaking against him and Alex’s tears piercing through him like a knife. It felt like he was dying all over again to watch them both go through this. Luke wanted to cry, to scream, to run until he found the edges of wherever they were and ripped it down atom by atom. He knew he couldn’t do any of that though. The only thing he seemed capable of doing right now was holding Reggie tighter to him. 

Luke tried not to think about how he’d only gotten a year as Reggie’s boyfriend. He tried not to think about the song he’d left buried in his notebook that bore his mother’s name. He tried not to think about how they’d stopped by Alex’s house to pick him up in Bobby’s old beat up truck before the show and listened to him promise he’d see Chase and Maggie tomorrow with little gifts from the Orpheum. Luke blocked from his mind the fact that he’d planned a celebratory picnic date for Reggie the next night- a full moon and their favorite dock on the beach- that his boyfriend had no clue was supposed to happen. Luke tried to ignore the image of the instruments they’d left on what was supposed to be the most important stage of their lives. 

Luke felt tears against his shoulder to now match Reggie’s shaking body. He pressed a light, trembling kiss into Reggie’s hair, willing the tears in his own eyes to stop. One of Reggie’s hands had moved away from where he was clutching them against his own chest to grip Luke’s coat so hard Luke could feel the pull on it. 

His eyes were practically glued to Alex, who still hadn’t moved an inch other than the involuntary sobs wracking through his body. Luke hated that he could see Maggie and Chase in his best friend right now. He and Reggie had helped Alex babysit his younger siblings more times than he could count, and Luke knew he could speak for both of them when he said they loved Maggie and Chase almost as much as Alex did. All Luke could see was the day they’d gone home with Alex after school to find Chase hiding in his room, wrapped up in one of Alex’s sweatshirts as he cried about a failed test he was terrified to show their parents. Alex had rushed to his younger brother and wrapped him in a hug. 

Alex looked so much like Chase right now as he curled in on himself. 

Luke couldn’t help but wait for the image to switch into that moment, to see Alex coming up to hug Chase instead of this fucking _emptiness_ that was devastating all three of them. As much as Luke tried to will it into existence, it didn’t work. They were still trapped in here, dead, clueless, and hurting. 

There was nothing about this that Luke didn’t hate. 

The only scrap of comfort he could even think to find was that they were here _together._ They were dead, but they still managed to stick together. Luke had always known they were kind of clingy to each other, but not even allowing death to separate them was a new level he’d never even considered. 

They were still together. 

Luke still had Reggie in his arms and the ever flowing love he felt coming from him. He could still see that bright pink sweater Alex was way too emotionally attached to and the fanny pack that held medical items he didn’t need. 

Luke didn’t have his guitar, or his notebook, or the garage, or his parents, or his _life,_ but he still had them. And that. . . that had to be enough. Right? It had to be. 

Luke had been so sure that if he even tried to speak, to make a noise, the void would fill him up and take it away. Yet, as he stood here with Reggie in his arms and Alex in his sight, he found his voice, even if it was just a little bit. 

“Guys,” he managed to croak out, his voice sounding broken, echoed, and foreign to his own ears. “Guys, it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay.”

Alex’s sobs just got louder, and he could feel Reggie shaking his head. 

“We _are._ We’re gonna be okay. Because we still have each other, right? We still have each other, and we’ve made it through every fucking thing before this because of that. We’ll make it through this.”

Neither Alex nor Reggie said anything back to him. He hadn’t expected them to, not really. He knew his words weren’t the ultimate cure to the pain they were all feeling. But Reggie’s grip on his coat loosened, and Alex’s cries quieted ever so slightly. 

“We’ll get through this,” Luke repeated in a voice so quiet he could barely hear it himself. 

Before he could think to say more, before he could guide Reggie towards Alex to reach out to their best friend, something filled the air. Luke’s vision got blurry and _bright,_ and what sounded like music- _their music_ \- exploded in his ears. With what felt like a tug on his soul, he was ripped away from Reggie, from Alex, and the three of them were pulled into something entirely new.

**IV.**

Ever since Julie had joined the band, she and Luke had tried to set about three hours a weekend to writing or tweaking new songs. To say that their sessions got derailed would be an understatement. Either Reggie would get bored and beg for Luke’s attention- which he readily and happily gave, much to Julie’s chagrin- or Alex would come in to ask Julie about a new word Willie had taught him but wouldn’t actually explain, or Flynn, Carlos, or Ray needed Julie for something or other, or the two of them would just get distracted and start messing around on their instruments, singing each other whatever funny little tune they could come up with. But they tried to set aside three hours, they really did. 

The last couple weeks they’d even been successful in doing so! They’d gotten two new songs out of last week, and they were sure they’d finally perfected an old, deeply buried in Luke’s notebook Sunset Curve song that Trevor Wilson had never had an opportunity to steal from them. They’d been on a roll. 

Unfortunately, it looked like today was going to be the end of their success streak. And it wasn’t even for the usual reasons. 

From the moment Julie had stepped into the studio that day, a few papers of scribbled out lyrics in her hands, she’d seemed withdrawn and quieter than normal. She’d given Luke a smile, though, taking her place at the piano like she always did. Luke had watched her with a frown, trying to read her. In the time since they’d literally crashed into Julie’s world as ghosts, she and Luke had gotten closer and closer every day. They were friends- _family_ \- in the same way Luke had always felt with Alex and Reggie. Yet in all that time, he wasn’t used to seeing Julie like this. She was the one of them who was always open about things and wasn’t afraid to tell any of them what was on her mind. 

Luke watched her at the piano, acting like nothing was unusual but with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. He had to assume, however that if Julie wasn’t telling him about it, then it was something she _really_ didn’t want him to know. And he’d gotten enough lectures on boundaries for both his actual lifetime and his one as a ghost. So Luke let it slide, painting on a grin of his own- a real one- in hopes he might get a real one out of her, too, and took his spot next to Julie on the piano bench. 

Their writing process had always been easy and fun, like it was flowing through them. Today, though? It was anything but. Before she had even given Luke a proper opportunity to look over the lyrics she’d brought in, Julie had taken them back out of Luke’s hands, crumpling them up and throwing them in the general direction of the trash can. Julie was hitting wrong notes on the keyboard more than could just be chalked up to learning a new song. She ignored his jokes, not even bothering to give a roll of her eyes or call him out for the ones he knew weren’t actually funny. Every once in a while she zoned out, and Luke had to repeat his last few sentences. Nothing about this was the Julie he was used to. 

He wasn’t quite sure what to do. Clearly, Julie didn’t want to talk about it. Yet it was affecting their writing and playing, and Luke knew that if it had been any one of them, Julie would be making sure they were okay and assuring them that they could talk about whatever was bugging them if they needed to. 

When Julie took yet another paper from him and crumpled it up, Luke decided that enough was enough. 

“Julie,” he started slowly, carefully. The teenage girl looked at him, her eyes focused on him but not quite seeing as she silently asked what he wanted. 

“Are you okay?” Luke asked softly. Julie frowned at him a little, then turned back to the piano. 

“What are you talking about? Of course I’m fine.”

Luke just kept looking at her, noting the million and one subconscious tactics Julie was using to avoid his gaze. It was the same type of look he himself got when he was trying to hide something. Julie shifted away from him on the piano bench, barely anything noticeable, but Luke was too tuned into her right now to not see it. 

“Julie.”

She huffed a little bit, turning her gaze on him. 

“What?” she demanded, like it was a challenge. Luke just fit her with a smile, silently letting her know he wasn’t backing down. 

“You know you can tell me if anything is wrong, right? I won’t tell the others anything or tattle on you to Flynn. It’s just you and me.”

Julie held his gaze, her eyes flitting back and forth between his own like she was studying him. Luke stayed silent as she did so, letting her do whatever she needed to do in order to trust him with whatever was troubling her like this. After what may have been minutes or hours, Julie dropped her gaze from his again, eyes and body trained towards the piano as her shoulders slumped and her head hung. Her walls had begun falling down, Luke knew, and he desperately wished he could reach out and touch her. They still hadn’t mastered the whole being corporeal thing yet. 

“It’s just. . .” Julie’s voice was quiet, sound blocked a little as her long hair cascaded around her face like a curtain. Luke waited patiently, having learned from all his years with Alex and Reg that pushing the matter would only make things worse. 

“My mom’s birthday is coming up,” her whispered voice finished, and Luke felt his heart sink. 

“Oh,” he let out quietly. “Shit, Jules, I’m sorry.”

She flashed him a small smile, shaking her head. “No, it’s. . . you don’t need to be sorry.”

Luke really wished he could hug her right now. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

They both understood wanting to talk to their moms and not being able to, but Luke felt out of his depth with this. But he was determined to be here for Julie in whatever way she needed him. 

Julie shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe?”

Luke smiled encouragingly at her, nodding his head towards the couch in signal that they should move to where they could sit more comfortably. Julie nodded back, standing. Luke just poofed himself over, achieving his goal of getting a smile out of Julie when she saw him do so. 

“If we had a nickel for every time we aired out our problems on this couch, we could afford an actual therapist,” Julie joked dryly as she plopped down on the couch, immediately moving one of the pillows into her arms. Luke huffed a laugh, nodding his agreement. It was probably true if they combined the years of Sunset Curve and Julie and the Phantoms. The amount of things this couch had seen was frankly a longer list than Luke would ever be willing to admit to. He was sure Reggie would agree.

Almost as if she could tell what he was thinking, Julie just raised an eyebrow at him. Luke felt himself blush a little, having the decency to at least look embarrassed. He cleared his throat, shaking his head to clear it of any lasting thoughts of his boyfriend and the couch. Not important right now. 

“I’m all ears, Jules,” Luke smiled at her. She smiled back gratefully, clutching the pillow closer to her chest. 

“Everything just. . . hurts, you know? Being at the piano, trying to write. And I’m so happy to have music back in my life, to have you guys, but it’s still really _hard._ Everything makes me think of her right now, and I. . . I can’t remember how to do this without her. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work. Nothing feels right, and that stupid empty chair at the dinner table is still there where she’s supposed to be. I look at that chair and I just- I can’t remember how to function. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without her, Luke.”

Julie’s voice had cracked with the first sentence, but she’d kept going even as her cheeks stained with tear tracks and her grip on the pillow was so hard her knuckles turned white. Luke watched her sadly, feeling his own tears form as she cried. It took all the focus he had in him, but he managed- as they’d struggled so many times to do since that night after the Orpheum- to make himself corporeal, reaching out to Julie as soon as he was able. She fell easily against his chest, abandoning the pillow to wrap her arms around his torso. Luke carefully ran his fingers through her curls, holding her close with his other arm as she cried into his shirt. Though he’d never experienced it himself, Luke knew what she was talking about. 

He saw it on his mother’s face every time she stared in that spot on the counter where Luke loved to sit. He saw it on his father’s face when he would hesitate as he walked past Luke’s bedroom, door still covered in rock band posters and closed shut like he’d left it. They held the same look Julie had when talking about the empty chair. Like there would never quite be acceptance that the spot would continue to be empty. 

Luke continued to hold Julie against him as her tears began subsiding. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to keep himself solid, and he wanted to comfort her for as long as he could. 

“Julie, it’s okay that you feel like that. You know that, yeah? Grief. . . it’s a drawn out process. It’s not something that’s gonna go away, and you’re always gonna have bad days or weeks or _months_ , and you’re allowed to have that happen. And it’s _good_ that being at the piano or writing is making you think of her. It probably always will, you know? But it’s just another way you’re going to be able to keep her with you. You’re not doing this without her, Jules. Every note you play or sing, every lyric you write, she’s still there. Even when you feel like she’s not.”

He could feel his solidity fading away, and he reluctantly let go of Julie so she could sit back up on the couch. Her tears were still falling a little bit, but she reached up to wipe them away. 

“When did you get so smart?” she joked, a hesitant and wet laugh coming from her. Luke smiled at her. 

“Book club really does teach you some things,” he joked back, earning a real laugh out of her this time. Silence lapsed between them comfortably for a few minutes, and after wiping away the last of her tears, Julie smiled at Luke. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I still feel. . . _awful_ , but I know you’re right and hopefully soon. . . I’ll start remembering that.”

Luke used the last little bit of energy he had to reach out, squeezing her hand gently. Just as she finished squeezing back, his hand fell through hers onto the material of the couch. 

“Anything you need, Julie,” he said. “Always.”

She nodded back at him, standing up from the couch. “I think I’m gonna go curl up in bed and watch movies. Wanna gather up the other two and join me?”

Luke smiled widely, nodding his head as he watched her exit the garage. She wasn’t okay right now, but he knew she would be. Julie was stronger than she would ever know. 

  
  


**V.**

Luke hadn’t ever seen his band so nervous for a performance. Well, the Orpheum maybe, but hey, they all thought they were gonna cross over for good after that. This was different. This wasn’t even anything special. This was just a football game halftime at Julie’s high school. He knew what was making them nervous, though. Principal Lessa had not only approached Julie about playing at the game, but she’d approached Dirty Candy, too. 

As in, she wanted the two bands to play _together._ The same song, or a mashup of two, whatever- as long as they performed together. Julie had come home shell shocked that day, walking into the studio in a daze. When they’d asked her what was up, Julie had told them what Lessa had asked. 

She also told them that she’d _agreed._ And so had Carrie. 

They’d all been surprised at that. Julie and Carrie had slowly started mending things it seemed- no more showdowns in the hallway or crashing parties or getting past security gates. They actually talked to each other again and were- very tentatively- friends. But all three of the boys had been surprised to hear about the agreement. As far as they knew, Julie hadn’t sung with Carrie since long before her mother had died. And Carrie? It was no secret that that girl loved the spotlight. She was talented, and they could all admit that _yeah,_ she kind of deserved it, but it was almost unheard of for Carrie to share a stage with anyone who wasn’t the girls in her group. Yet here they were, a weird team of sorts now, playing as one big group at the homecoming halftime show. 

Practice had been a special kind of hell for them to get through. Since they couldn’t exactly admit to Carrie and her girls that they weren’t holograms so much as _ghosts,_ they’d had to be as clever as possible with how they rehearsed. The boys had started getting better and better at keeping themselves corporeal for longer periods of time, so they just kept themselves solid during practice with Julie’s projector staying on the entire time. But they also had to remember that they had to make sure none of Dirty Candy stepped in front of the projector during practice- they weren’t exactly going to flicker out if one of them did, which would be confusing. They also couldn’t touch Julie or any of the Dirty Candy girls if they didn’t want to give away the fact that they were actually solid. It was one big, horrible, convoluted mess, and everyone in the band was grateful that Carrie had agreed to have the bands practice on their own time and only do one or two full group rehearsals. 

Julie and Carrie had worked together- as odd as that sounded to them all- to create a mashup of Carrie’s song All Eyes On Me and their own Stand Tall. It didn’t seem like the songs should ever go together, but Luke learned quickly that underestimating Julie and Carrie was a mistake. They’d spent hours sorting it all out, and the song was _good._ Really good. Plus Alex was having an absolute blast at finally getting to perform with Dirty Candy for real. 

They’d been practicing at this for almost three weeks now, and it was finally the day of the homecoming game. They were supposed to meet up with Dirty Candy in a little less than an hour to do one final run through of the performance before the game. Luke was the only one of them who wasn’t practically vibrating or bouncing off the walls. 

Julie was pacing so much it would be easy to mistake her for Alex, who was anxiously tapping his sticks on a practice drum pad that Julie had gotten him as he sat rigid on the couch. Reggie was twiddling with the sleeves of his flannel as he always did, tucked against Luke’s side in a chair that really shouldn’t fit both of them. 

Luke knew that Julie was actually kind of terrified that if something went wrong during the song, Carrie would hate her forever and everything they’d managed to get back of their friendship would be a lost cause. Alex was always nervous before performances, amplified by the fact that he really wanted to make a good impression in front of Dirty Candy, who he _loved._ And Reggie- well, Luke wasn’t exactly sure what was making his boyfriend nervous. Reggie did often tend to feed off of other’s emotions, and the tense air rolling off Julie and Alex in waves was probably getting to him. With a sigh, Luke moved to grab Reggie’s hand, holding it in his lap. 

“You guys need to calm down,” was the best Luke was able to provide Alex and Julie with as he rubbed his thumb across Reggie’s knuckles to sooth him. Alex ignored him, as his best friend was prone to do, and Julie turned a glare on him. Luke just looked at her blankly, trying his hardest not to let his face betray the fact that Julie was actually kind of terrifying when she glared at them. He felt Reggie lean his head on his shoulder, calming as Luke continued to hold his hand. 

“ _Please_ tell me you did not just say calm down,” Julie shot at him, sounding stressed and exasperated. 

“Julie, you’re about to dig a trench in the floor, and that’s _Alex’s_ job.”

The drummer scoffed, throwing one of his sticks at him. It hit Reggie instead, who exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Alex. Luke rolled his eyes at them both, but patted Reggie’s head with his free hand placatingly. Julie was still pacing back and forth, rubbing her hands together and shooting Luke a glare every time she switched direction.

“You do realize that if you keep letting the nerves get to you, the performance will be _worse_ , right? I mean, come on, you guys. We’ve been practicing this for weeks, and we’ve got it down. It’s one rehearsal, one five minute performance, and we’re golden. All done.”

Julie bit her lip nervously. “But Carrie-”

“Isn’t going to do shit. We’ve seen you guys in rehearsals or school, okay? She wants to be friends with you again just as much as you do. She’s not gonna flip if something goes wrong.” 

Luke turned his gaze on Alex, “And _nothing_ is going to go wrong, okay? You know that beat like the back of your hand at this point, and you’re not gonna screw it up. You could do it in your sleep.”

“I think he _has_ been doing it in his sleep,” Reggie piped up quietly, making Luke smile. 

“Plus, Alex, dude- you literally don’t need to do anything to impress Dirty Candy. You’re a hot, gay drummer who loves their music and can dance. They’re impressed.”

Alex flushed a little, looking down at the practice pad in his lap. Since he’d thrown one of his sticks at him, Alex had stopped the incessant tapping, thankfully- it hadn’t been helping the nervous energy of the room. Julie had stopped her pacing, too, now just fiddling with the bracelets along her wrist. 

“We’re gonna go to practice, rock it, then do the best halftime performance your school has ever seen. You and Carrie wrote a _killer_ mashup, Julie. Everything is gonna go fine.”

When neither the lead singer or drummer gave him a response, Luke rolled his eyes. 

“You guys being nervous is making Reggie nervous, so knock it off,” he tried instead, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. 

Both Alex and Julie turned to look at Reggie, as if checking him over to see if Luke was telling the truth. His boyfriend had gone red at Luke’s words and his friends’ stares, which Luke knew only added to his point. Reggie was tucking himself against Luke in less of an “I want to cuddle” way and more in an “I need comfort” way, the hand that Luke wasn’t holding was still messing with his flannel, and Reggie had been far too quiet since Julie’s pacing and Alex’s tapping had started. It almost made Luke laugh to see how quickly they both straightened out and tried to make themselves look calm as soon as they took Reggie’s actions in. Even just the changes of stance in Julie and Alex made them both look so much less tense. 

“See, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he teased gently, raising an eyebrow at his friends. Julie narrowed her eyes at him, sticking out her tongue, and Alex shot a smile of apology towards Reggie, who just shook his head to signal that it was okay. 

Luke pressed a kiss to Reggie’s hand before dropping it, standing up from the chair. 

“We need to leave soon,” he reminded them. “Everything is going to be great. Julie- you and Carrie are gonna be best friends forever or whatever. Alex- you’re gonna kill it on your kit like you always do. Reg, babe- I love you, and I am begging you to stop listening to these dorks right now. Everything is gonna be fine, and we’re gonna play as great as we always do. Okay?”

There was a sort of finality to Luke’s words that had the three other band members nodding their heads. Luke clapped his hands together once, loudly as he smiled. 

“Awesome. Now let’s go to rehearsal.”

The other three moved into action, Julie announcing that she needed to go change before they left and the boys getting their instruments already to poof in exactly as they would need them to. Luke could tell his bandmates were still nervous, but their demeanor was lighter and more usual for right before a performance. Reggie had come up while Luke was hooking his guitar up to his amp, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek that had Luke smiling like an idiot. 

“What was that for?” he asked quietly, resting his hand lightly on Reggie’s hip. The bassist just shrugged and smiled. 

“I just love you, too.”

Luke opened his mouth to respond or maybe to kiss Reggie back, but he was interrupted by Alex. 

“Luke, I swear to god if you get all “sappy boyfriend” right now, I will throw another stick at you,” the drummer teased, moving some cords around to where they wouldn’t trip on them once poofed up on to the stage. Luke just rolled his eyes, squeezing Reggie’s hip once before allowing his boyfriend to move back across the studio to his own amp. 

The banter was allowing Alex’s anxiety to lessen, Luke knew, so he forgave his best friend’s interruption of their moment. Whatever got his dorks of bandmates to realize that this performance was going to be fun, exciting, a piece of freaking cake was fine with him. Frankly, the idea that _Luke_ had somehow become the chill, easy going one in the band despite the fact that he consistently had the most energy out of all of them blew his own mind a little bit. 

Good thing he wouldn’t trade his family for the world.

\----------

**i.**

The band was, as usual, lounging around in the studio after Julie had gotten home from school that day. Julie had her laptop sitting on her lap as she sat in one of the armchairs to do homework, Alex was laying across the coffee table, trying to balance a drumstick on the tip of his nose, and Reggie and Luke were cuddled up on the couch. Luke was fully sitting in Reggie’s lap, his boyfriend’s arms around his waist, letting Luke play with his fingers, and his chin hooked over Luke’s shoulder so their cheeks were pressed together. The two of them often found themselves in opposite positions, but when Reggie had plopped down on the couch and silently pulled Luke down into his lap, the guitarist hadn’t complained for a second. Sometimes it was really nice to be the one who was being held. Plus, Reggie was just super freaking comfortable to use as a pillow. He relaxed further back into Reggie’s chest, feeling his boyfriend smile and press a kiss against the side of his neck, where he knew it tickled him. Luke just smiled, threading his fingers through Reggie’s against his lap

“Holy shit,” Luke suddenly exclaimed, jumping a little and whipping his head around to look at Reggie best he could. His eyes were wide, and Reggie met his gaze with confusion. He could see out of the corner of his eyes that Julie and Alex had both stopped what they were doing to look at him as well.

“What?” Reggie asked in a low, quiet voice, and if Luke hadn’t just been shocked with realization, he was sure the way he’d been able to feel the vibrations of Reggie speaking down his spine would have driven him nuts. 

“I just realized what this weekend was,” Luke said, as if it gave Reggie a full explanation. Reggie just shook his head a little, looking at Luke with question and confusion in his bright colored eyes. “It’s our two year anniversary!”

At his words, Luke watched as Reggie’s face softened, a smile that Luke had only ever seen Reggie give _him_ forming across his lips. He felt Reggie’s arms tighten around his waist as he moved forward, bumping their noses together. 

“Oh,” Reggie let out, soft and fondly. Luke smiled brightly at him, tapping his forehead against Reggie’s for a moment. 

“ _God,_ you guys are disgustingly cheesy,” Alex sighed out from his spot on the coffee table, causing Julie to try and hide a snicker as she stuck her leg out, kicking Alex lightly in reprimand. Luke turned out of his little bubble with his boyfriend to glare at Alex. 

“It’s not like you and Willie are any better!”

Alex rolled his eyes, but Luke could see the fondness and lack of actual care about his and Reggie’s sappy ministrations. 

“Besides,” the drummer continued, “isn’t it actually your 27th anniversary?”

“Leave them alone, Alex,” Julie smiled. “They’re in love.”

She held her hand over her heart, sighing as she looked up to the ceiling in a teasing manner. Alex snickered, sitting up on the coffee table to fist bump Julie. Luke pouted a little, but Reggie just chuckled, shaking his head. 

“You guys are just jealous that your crushes on Luke never worked out, and I won,” Reggie teased right back, causing Julie’s mouth to drop open around half a scoff, half a laugh, and Alex to grin at him. 

“I’m pretty happy with my own boyfriend, thanks,” the drummer replied. 

“I’m too happy watching you be sickeningly in love to think about missed opportunities,” Julie shrugged, looking back down at her homework. 

Reggie smiled and laughed at them both, hooking his chin back over Luke’s shoulder. Luke, who had gone completely frozen in Reggie’s arms, staring into the room with his eyes unblinking and mouth open. Reggie seemed to catch on to the new tension filling Luke’s body, shifting under him a little to get a proper look at his boyfriend. 

“Luke?” he asked softly, bumping his shoulder to Luke’s back to get his attention. “You okay?”

Julie and Alex had once again looked up from what they were doing to watch the couple, concern now lacing their features. 

“Luke,” Reggie tried again. “Babe.”

Luke blinked, frowning as he looked between the three of them. “You all. . . You guys all had crushes on me?”

Alex and Julie just stared at him. 

“Um. . . yeah?” Julie said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Alex tilted his head at Luke from where he sat, watching him closely. “You didn’t know about that?”

Luke sputtered a little bit, shaking his head. “I mean, well- I knew about Reggie, obviously, but. . . All three of you?”

“Yeah, man,” Alex replied softly, looking at Luke with a careful gaze. “All three of us.”

Luke felt Reggie’s arms tighten around his waist once again, but he could barely pay it any attention. Involuntarily, without thought, Luke let out one word as he looked around the room at his bandmates. 

_“Why?”_

His voice was so quiet it was like a pin dropping on the ground. His voice cracked around the word, and he felt small as he asked it, under the piercing gazes of Reggie, Julie, and Alex. Reggie let out a cut off, pained, sad noise at the question. Julie and Alex had filled with such looks of sadness that Luke felt like he’d done something wrong. Luke tried to shrink back from their gazes, inadvertently sliding off Reggie’s lap so he was now tucking into the corner of the couch, legs draped over Reggie’s thighs now their only point of contact. Reggie frowned at that, looking upset, but didn’t make a move to pull Luke back into him. 

“Luke,” he whispered, and his pained tone felt like a knife to Luke’s chest. He wrapped his arms around himself, sinking further down in the corner of the couch. He stared at the floor, not wanting to meet the surprised and saddened looks of his friends and boyfriend. The air in the room felt heavy and tense. Luke felt Reggie’s hand rest carefully, hesitantly over his shin, thumb rubbing lightly through Luke’s jeans. “Luke, look at me.”

He didn’t want to; he was too afraid that if he met his boyfriend’s eyes he would cry. But he couldn’t resist Reggie. He forced his eyes up, looking at nothing but Reggie’s face. Just as he always was, he was met with that fond, emotional, happy look of _love_ that never faded from Reggie when they looked at each other, even if it was being toned down by sorrow. Reggie’s eyes had always been like a magnet to Luke, and once he met them, it always took effort to pull himself away. 

“Why are you asking us that?” Reggie asked him carefully, like he just wanted clarification. Luke shrugged his shoulders a little, feeling like a little kid as he did so. 

“I don’t know, I just. . . I know you love me, but- I’m not anything special. I’m not worth that.”

He heard what sounded like Julie sucking in a breath and saw Alex going still out of the corner of his eyes. 

“That is _not_ true,” Reggie insisted, voice harder with emphasis. “You’re the most amazing person I have ever met.”

Luke blushed a little, looking down at his crossed arms. “You’re my boyfriend, you have to say that.”

Reggie squeezed Luke’s shin. “No, I don’t. I have to say that because it’s _true._ And I had a crush on you and you were my best friend long before we started dating, remember?”

“If you don’t believe him, then I’ll say it,” Julie piped up, drawing Luke’s attention to her. “Luke Patterson, you’re fucking amazing.”

Luke stared at her in surprise. Julie almost never swore, and if she did, he’d never heard her drop the F bomb. 

“They’re right, dude,” Alex spoke next. “You are so. . . I know I joke a lot and say insults I don’t mean, but you were the first person I ever had a crush on. From the first day we met, you were just so nice to me. You never made fun of me like the other kids, never made me feel like I was different from them, and you still always say hi to me with a smile, even when you’re mad at me. Even though you didn’t know it, you helped me a lot with coming out, Luke. Because I knew that no matter what, you’d never turn your back on me.”

“You were the first person who didn’t look at me like I was gonna break when I told you about my mom,” Julie began. “You just wanted to be there and support me, just like you always do. Luke, you’re always making sure that we’re okay and talk about what’s upsetting us, and we appreciate that _so_ much. You just have this ability to make people feel safe and comfortable like no one I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah, and we haven’t even talked about you and music yet,” Alex said, sitting up a little bit taller. “I mean, shit, dude. I’ve never met a single person more talented than you when it comes to music. You can sing, play, write killer songs- you’re the whole damn package. You light up a stage like no one’s business, and make everyone feel it with you.”

“No one else I’d rather share a mic with,” Julie’s laptop had long since been abandoned on the floor next to her, and she was sitting on the edge of her chair, leaning in closer to Luke. Neither she nor Alex had taken their eyes off him for a second, not that the guitarist could see them very well. His vision was blurred by tears involuntarily filling his eyes, a few escaping silently down his cheeks to drip off his chin and onto his arms. During their back and forth compliments of Luke, Reggie had stayed silent, watching Luke with tears of his own. Both Alex and Julie turned to him now, and a hand slipping under his forearm to grab his own, fingers intertwining, brought Luke’s gaze to his boyfriend as well. 

“You’re the love of my life.” 

Luke’s breath hitched a little bit, and he blinked away a few more tears. 

“And I know that’s easy to say because we were only 17 when we died, but I knew way before that. It was that day you surprised me, about two months after we started dating? I came to the studio thinking we were supposed to practice, and it was just you in there with your guitar. You sang me a love song, and I thought “oh, I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.” You were the love of my life, and you’re the love of my death, Luke. _Always._ There are so many different ways I could describe you. . . You’re hot, and funny, and smart, and talented, and kind, and a million other things that I would take the rest of eternity listing. You make me feel safe and happy and loved, and no one has ever cared about me the way you do. It’s harder to come up with reasons _not_ to love you than it is to love you, Luke. To me, no one in the _world_ is ever going to be more special that you.”

The sob Luke let out was quiet and short, but it still echoed in the room. Reggie immediately surged forward, pulling Luke back into his lap so he could hug his boyfriend. Luke cried into Reggie’s neck, holding tightly to him. He didn’t move when he felt Alex come up to hug him, too, or when Julie’s arms carefully draped over them next. Luke didn’t know how she was even able to touch him right now- he had no energy whatsoever to transfer into solidifying himself- but he knew better than to complain. 

He didn’t know why this was hitting him all so hard right now. He’d never considered the thought that as he spent time making sure all his friends were okay, and happy, and that their self-esteem was as high as Luke could lift it, he’d never actually bothered to focus on his _own._ He hadn’t realized, until he was surrounded by the people he loved most in the world and they were reminding him why they loved him _just as much._

“We love you, Luke,” Julie’s angel sweet voice washed over his cries, just solidifying his thoughts. 

“We do, man,” Alex’s voice came next. 

Reggie just squeezed him tighter against him, pressing kiss after kiss into his hair in love and comfort. Luke felt safe like this. Happy. Like nothing else in the world could ever top this moment. 

“I love you guys, too,” he mumbled, sound muffled even more by Reggie’s neck, but he knew they heard it anyway. He wasn’t sure how long the four of them stayed there like that, but eventually Alex and Julie backed away from the hug, sniffling and wiping at their eyes. Luke didn’t dare move away from Reggie’s embrace, and the way his boyfriend was holding on to him let him know that Reggie wasn’t planning on letting him go any time soon either. He did shift around on Reggie’s lap so he was now sitting more comfortably, legs stretched out sideways on the couch so his side was pressed against Reggie’s chest and he could rest his head on Reggie’s shoulder. 

“You were the love of my life, too, you know? And now my death.”

He felt Reggie smile against his forehead, where his boyfriend had just finished placing a kiss. 

“I know, babe,” the bassist whispered, arms shifting around Luke’s waist to pull him impossibly closer. 

The four of them stayed in the studio well into the evening, comfortable silence passing between them as Julie clicked her keyboard to finish her homework, Alex entertained himself learning new tricks with his sticks, and as Reggie held Luke, who slowly passed into sleep knowing he was surrounded by people who would love him forever, unconditionally and without a day going past that they didn’t remind him of it. 

**Author's Note:**

> OOF this was a long one
> 
> This took me more hours than I care to admit. My friend actually watched me write part of this in real time and apparently I'm very impressive. I hope you all think the end result fits that description. It was difficult to write this, and honestly some of their pain came straight from my own brain. But I hope you enjoyed it, and much love to each and every one of you who read it <3
> 
> NOTE: for all of you who have been keeping up with my A World Without Ghosts series, I do know that I was supposed to post another installment of that today. Unfortunately, you're not going to get one. The next installment has been proving itself far more difficult than I expected, so it's going to be shoved back a week. I may also change my uploading schedule so that the series will update every other week rather than every week, so I'll keep you all posted. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> -Faye <3


End file.
